I woke up today and told myself it will be okay. It will get better. I have liked all these pages and accounts on Facebook and Instagram that talk about entrepreneurship, hard work, careers, self-love, positive mindsets, and hope!
I have even downloaded some images with positive quotes on my phone and I set them as my background images on my cell phone from time to time. They work as reminders to myself: "Everything happens for a reason," "Hard work pays off," "Never give up," and "God gives His battles to His strongest soldiers."
So yeah...am tough, I'm legit, I gotta be. I mean, I hope I am tough because man...this feeling hurts. This feeling sucks; one problem follows another problem. And when I think something is going to work out, bam it gets cancelled. An obstacle comes out of nowhere; it's always something - sometimes things I can control and/or other times things I can't control.
I can't take it anymore. It's wearing me out. I mean some days it feels like I can’t even control my own body and mind. I’m starting to feel paralyzed and incapable...not good enough; useless. At nights, I can't sleep and I truly wonder, "Why me...what have I done to deserve this?"
I pray. I’m not the most religious person, but I try to remain hopeful, faithful, and positive. I believe in something, I am not sure what, but I know it is there. I even choose not to talk about this feeling just so I won't sound negative all the time or burden someone with my problems.
Well, it’s not like anyone understands me anyway, so why even bother? And the people I expected to be there for me are nowhere to be found. It's amazing how things change, people change or people act. There's no one to trust, no one to rely on. At times, I even question my faith. Fuck it! Fuck it all, fuck everyone. It's all about me now. I'm focused on me; my well being, my self-interest, only looking out for myself from now on. This world is cold, so I might as well fit in.
PAUSE! Stop it right there.
Those last statements right there are why your life keeps going in a circle without any progress. Something good, then something bad. Nothing good, then something bad. No matter what you do, where you are or how hard you have worked for something, there is always a negative aspect to the result.
Your heart is not pure. Your mind is not clear. Your intentions are not positive for others. Your vision does not involve giving back. All you are trying to do is make it at all costs. You are willing to sacrifice your values just to be successful. You are willing to treat others in ways that you do not want to be treated.
But worst of all, you have allowed your circumstances to define you.
Your circumstances have changed you. Who do you want to be? The person that is good and positive when everything is okay and mean and selfish when things are not going well? Or you want to be the person that can see the good even in the worst situations?
How can you believe that you are ready to receive a blessing? What will you do with a blessing at this given moment with the mindset you currently have? I can tell you, you will miss out on it. You will not see the blessing because you are so worried about yourself and how everyone else is doing you wrong.
Sit in front of a mirror and look at yourself. Have you changed? Are you the same person that you were before coming across all these challenges (I refer to as tests)? Do you attribute your negative behavior to your current circumstances? Do you justify your mistakes by blaming your circumstances for bringing such a pessimistic character out of you?
So, what would you do if you had everything you need right now? Would you suddenly start treating people nicely? Would you smile more? Would you expect for everyone to forget how you have treated them and made them feel? Is your authentic, positive, and amazing personality going to come out all of a sudden?
Circumstances do not make a personality. A personality is an invaluable possession. A personality makes the circumstance. You can let a circumstance break you, make you, better you or control you. It all starts with you. It all starts and ends with your approach and your effort.
Stop waiting for the perfect circumstances, make the circumstances perfect, and perfect the circumstances. Every challenge is not an obstacle, but a redirection; a redirection to the final destination. You will still get there, if you try, but you are just taking a different route.
Don’t let your circumstances blur your vision. Don’t let your pain and mindset stop you from seeing that people are there for you. Blessings can be oblivious or can come in disguise, learn to be ready for both. Just because people don’t go about things the way you would, doesn’t mean that they are not there for you. It doesn’t mean that no one cares. It doesn’t mean that you are alone.
Just because people don’t face the problems you are facing, doesn’t mean that they are doing okay. Everyone is facing a battle of their own, despite their color, profession, income, age or gender.
Stop being a slave of your own thoughts.
Be the person you will be when everything is okay…NOW. Be that positive and happy person now, so you can attract the people, the connections, and the job offers that will help you get to where you need to so you can accomplish your dreams.
Your blessings are on the way, but they will not get to you until you are mentally ready to receive them!
If you are having a hard time overcoming your past experiences and letting go, also take a look at the posts below. The first three are written by me, Jessica Ogunnorin, and the last one is written by an amazing author, Elisha Goldstein: