Love and Drugs.
One would ask, “Why correlate or connect these two notions?” The answer is that they both are falsely accused for causing dependency. With drugs it’s semi-true: the more drugs one abuses, the more one needs. On the other hand, the less one loves her or himself, the more they depend on someone else to love and accept them. It’s not a matter of “I love you, so I depend on you.”
Intimate love is one of the most confusing and abused types of love. Unfortunately, nowadays it has gotten so easy to say we love someone when all it truly is is just us liking how we are treated. Sometimes we are babied and that covers up for the lack or the insufficient amount of parental love we received growing up. Others time we are just getting the attention we always wanted as a child and that again is confused as intimate love. Additionally, there are times where not receiving any parental love, care, guidance or protection has us perceiving any caring action as an action of love and we “fall” for it.
It is sad. It’s sad to think that the main reason relationships fail is not due to the relationship conflicts between the two individuals, but yet due to conflicts and gaps that each partner carries on her or his own. People expect to complete each other, when they are supposed to be complimenting each other. Instead of focusing on building ourselves and figuring out what makes us who we are and how to deal with our scars, we focus on pointing out how our partner deals with her or his own scars. As a result, the relationship develops and adds new gaps, new self-issues, and new problems instead of encouraging and being part of the healing and self-love process.
We get into relationships demanding that our partner provides us with parental, friendly, sibling, family, and the self-love we don’t provide for ourselves. We have these extreme and unreal expectations of how we are supposed to be loved and then we wonder why our partner doesn’t meet them.
We come across millions of discussions about self-love, setting goals, forgiveness, showing feelings, cheating, abuse, humiliations, disrespect, beef between artists, and the list goes on. We tweet, we post on Facebook, we repost on Instagram, make these stories/incidents go viral, and participate in the accusation of suspects, criminals. Why?
I sometimes ask myself, “Do we even realize that all these notions and issues derive from our inability to understand, love, know, and be ourselves?”
Knowing yourself doesn’t only mean being 100% sure about your career path or being 100% loyal in a relationship! Are you being loyal because that is what you believe in and want or because you are insecure and scared?
Indubitably, there are numerous relationships amongst insecure and scared people, and individuals who are lost within themselves. On the outside, it can seem like these relationships are working fine, but it’s only a matter of time until these issues project themselves and are exposed. Sometimes the revelation of these gaps happens after marriage, engagement or the worst after the birth of children. And now feel free to blame your indifference and lack of allocating sufficient time to yourself as the reason why your kids will be mentally f****.
Congratulate yourself on bringing up insecure, doubtful, and pessimistic children with low self esteem. And it becomes a cycle. A cheater, a slut, a player, a thot or whatever you want to call it is born again.
So, here’s a note to everyone. Don’t turn your love for your partner into a drug. Liability and dependency are two different things. Yes, being able to count on your partner to lift you up or spot you or have your back is acceptable. However, demanding of your partner to love you in all kinds of ways including an intimate way is wrong. Your boyfriend or husband is not your dad or your brother. Your girlfriend or wife is not your mother or sister.
Be fair, be real, and be logical with what you ask from your partner. Love yourself first. Find Urself and let your partner upgrade you not build you from scratch.
Real Love is not a drug, it will not make you weak. Real love will not have you losing your mind and feeling incapable or helpless without your partner. Real love will strengthen you, enhance your confidence, and give you courage to conquer the world by believing in yourself not depending on your partner for help.
Toxic love is a drug. You will insufficient, you will argue, you will not try to better yourself, you will depend on your partner, you will fight, you will curse, you will disrespect each other, and come right back to it. You will begin to depend and love something that breaks you down only because you are not taking the time to love
yourself, learn yourself, heal your wounds, accept your scars, understand your worth and respect and let go of the person you are toxic to.